Publishers and Authors

The Lee Allred Website

Ever wondered what publishers have to go through dealing with authors? Authors are like sweet, innocent children. Sweet innocent absent-minded truculent scatterbrained terrorizing hellion Satan-spawn without a single brain in their whole head!!!!!

*Ahem* Where was I?

Authors are like sweet, innocent children. It is the role of the publisher to take the author-child by the hand and gently lead that author. At no time should an author be allowed to putter about on his or her own.

As a case in point, may I submit this recent email exchange between Publisher and Author?

___________

16 Feb 2012
Subject: Author Online Presence and Horizontal RH Brand-Amplification Impactization
Dear Mr. Allred,

Just a follow-up reminder re our Rookhouse board meeting of 26 Dec 2011. As part of our December Rookhouse sneak peak, you were to update your author webpage at www.leeallred.com to reflect your participation in Rookhouse; i.e. feature your new Rookhouse eBooks in your bibliography.

It has been nearly sixty days since the Board meeting, and this has not yet been accomplished.

Please attend to this matter.

Kip Grant
Publisher, Rookhouse Books
__________

16 Feb 2012
Hey Kip,

Uh, didn’t I do this already? I could have sworn I just updated that stupid webpage. I’m always updating that stupid webpage.

– Lee
__________

16 Feb 2012
You haven’t updated your webpage since September 2008!!!!!
– K
__________

16 Feb 2012
Is that a bad thing? You say that like it’s a bad thing.

– L
__________

16 Feb 2012
FIX IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!

– K
__________

17 Feb 2012
What do you mean fix it? It’s always been fixed. See?

– L
__________

17 Feb 2012
Oh. And I suppose Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.

– K
__________

17 Feb 2012
???

– L
__________

Sigh. Authors. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t shoot ‘em without harming the revenue stream.

 

– Kip Grant, Publisher/Babysitter

 

 

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