About Our Lame Company Motto

Ever wonder what’s up with our lame company motto: “Books to Crow About“? Ever wonder how we could come up with something so lame, let alone decide to run with it?

Well, wonder no more, Rookheads! Here’s the true story behind our company slogan.

Late at night at the Rookhouse building. A single 40-watt bulb burns feebly above the oaken conference table, casting wan shadows across the grim faces of the gathered Rookhouse staff. An emergency meeting has been called. A crisis has been discovered — a crisis that must be adverted! — or the newly-formed Rookhouse Books will die stillborn in its cradle.

Transcript of meeting begins:

Kip Grant (Publisher): Troops, we have ourselves a problem here at —

Doc Hornet (Media Research): Pew-pew-pew! Pew-pew-pew!

Grant: — a problem here at —

Hornet: Pew-pew-pew! Pew-pew-pew!

[Dr. No (Budgeting) reaches over and shuts down Hornet’s laptop he’s playing City of Heroes on.]

Dr. No: No!

[Vociferous protests from Hornet redacted from transcript.]

Grant: *Ahem!* As I was saying, Rookhouse faces an unparalleled crisis. Cheetah, if you will?

Cheetah (IT/Webmaster): As you know, we’ve decided to build our website around the WordPress blogging platform. It’s simple, it’s quick, it’s —

Copper (Graphic Design): It’s the only one Grant can figure out how to post to!

Cheetah: — it’s the only one Grant can figure out how to post to.

[Vociferous denials from Kip Grant redacted from transcript.]

Tess (Facilities Manager): If it’s so simple even Grant can use it—

Grant: Hey!

Tess: — what’s the problem?

Cheetah: This. [Swivels his laptop screen around so everyone can see it.] This is the prototype of the webpage our graphics guru, Copper, and I have worked up.

Various assembled staff: Ooh! I like that…Great job, Copper! I love that top banner and the blood splatters!…Isn’t that a little too bloodthirsty? We’re not just publishing mysteries…etc. etc.

Grant: *Ahem!* You see here under the site’s main title of Rookhouse Books? That “Site Description” line under it? We need to put our company slogan on that line.

Hornet: I didn’t know we had a slogan.

Grant: We don’t! That’s the crisis.

Various assembled staff: You called us here in the middle of a rainy night for that?…Man! It was hard enough just coming up with a company name! Now they want a slogan?…Slogan, schmogan. I want to get back to leveling my character! I’m losing XP here!…I think that ‘Publisher’ title has gone to Grant’s head…Man, who drank all the Fresca in the break room?…etc. etc.

[Conversation dies down eventually.]

Grant: We need a slogan, people. Preferably one that ties in with the crow theme we’re going with.

Hornet: How about “Rookhouse Books — Our books are caw-caw!”

Grant: I’m serious here, people.

Copper: “Rookhouse Books — Books so bad, they drive you Raven Mad!”

Tess: “Rookhouse Books — We’re just winging it!”

Cheetah: “Rookhouse Books — Hit the road, Jackdaw!”

Hornet: “We’re Magpie-nificent!”

Tess: “Buy, buy, Blackbird!” Get it? B-U-Y?

Grant (holding his head in his hands): We got it.

Hornet: “Rookhouse Book — Where we Rook our customers!”

Tess: I got it! I got it! “The competition doesn’t Scarecrow Us!” Get it? Get it? Scare-crow? Scarecrow?

Entire Staff: WE GOT IT!!!

[Meeting goes on for another pointless ninety minutes.]

Transcript Ends.

So now you know. The next time you see our company motto “Books to Crow About” and think it lamer-than-lame, just remember: given our crew, it could have been worse. Much, much worse!


— Kip Grant, Pun-ished Publisher


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